This dress rehearsal quote is attributed to Rose Tremain the author. It conveys the need to live life to the full. That includes ageing.

If we are not allowed to rehearse ageing, how do we learn the script. There is a “top down” view of ageing well. It comes from the social care sector. Governments need us to age successfully. This will reduce the demand for Government supplied services. These models use three indicators. Are we free from disability and illness? Can we still function mentally and physically at a high level? Can we continue to be involved in social and “productive” activities. Such models may work for Governments but what do they mean to the average ageing person?

Are we meeting our own objectives for ageing well? Those objectives go well beyond such a simple view. Do we prioritize maintaining our physical appearance? Do we want to take care of our childrens’ futures? Do we want to maintain our financial security or just to enjoy ourselves. We can set the priorities. We can continue to define how we live our lives. We have always prioritized. Only now there is a new constraint: ageing.

We all like to feel in control. We get frustrated when we lose it. When the airline checks us in and then tells us there is a delay of unknown length. We lose our ability to influence what happens. We lose any sense of predictability. These are the two parts of our perceived control. Do we want to maintain control over our ageing? We have limited influence over the physical side of ageing. We can eat well and exercise, but chronic illnesses can still creep up on us. At least we can try to age well. We can try to set objectives over which we have some control. To make plans that give us a sense of predictability.

Selecting Successful Ageing Objectives

These objectives are not fixed but evolve as we age. Like any good strategy we start with an assessment of the resources available to us. Inwardly we need to assess our own health and our capacity to remain independent. This is a subjective measure not some assessment of whether we can tie our own laces. We need to look at our social support network. At our family, friends and neighbours. How much do they have the capacity to help? How motivated would they be? Do we want to bother them?

We need to review our financial wellbeing. Our income, our home and our other financial assets. Life expectancy has grown dramatically within a generation. For many this leaves a financial gap at the end of life. For some understanding that gap and creating a plan would be successful ageing. For others it would be an acceptance of “defeat” and it is better to press ahead regardless. Perhaps to assume that by then we will not care. How many people use the various applications that can forecast how many years they have left. How many understand the difference between a period and cohort life expectancy? Perhaps ageing well for them is not to know.

Finally we need to be honest about our psychological strengths. Are we still in charge of our lives or at least feel it. Are we still adaptable and capable of suffering setbacks. This defines for us our future perspective. We have always had goals for our lives. Our early aspirations to be a concert pianist collided with our lack of talent. Our desire for promotion was compromised by our enjoyment of our existing role. The process continues when we set our goals for success in ageing. We can’t do everything, so we need to be selective.

Meeting the Objectives

Once we have set our goals, we set about assembling ways of achieving them. A lot of consumption is driven by this. If we have prioritized maintaining our physical appearance, we join a gym or have plastic surgery. If we wish to ensure the future of our next generation, we may plan our estate or at least make a will. “Ageing in Place” can become an ageing objective. Ageing in a place that you know provides control. We know how to get things done. We know how to operate at home and in the community.(Newsletter #152 A Place Called Home”). Life is more predictable. Prioritizing different goals of ageing can lead to very different behaviours. Behaviours that are unintelligible to others with different priorities.

After “Selection” and “Optimization” the third step for many is “Compensation”. These goals are not short run. Implicitly or explicitly, we commit to them for many years. During that time the resources available to us may change. We may develop a chronic illness. This changes what we can do. It may also change the timeline. In other Newsletters I have described Socioemotional Selectivity Theory. This argues that as our mortality becomes more and more real we change our objectives. The theory suggests that we then prioritize short run emotional needs. We reduce the size of our social network. Is this about objectives? Do we value that smaller network more? The alternative is that we may not have the capacity to keep up with as many people. Ageing well is a process not an end.

If we are not allowed to rehearse ageing well perhaps we need to plan. In next weeks Newsletter I will share some of the possible objectives discovered by researchers.