We Are What We Consume.

In the modern world we define ourselves through consumption. What we buy and how we consume is a large part of how we build our identities. It ranges from what we wear to where we go out to eat. The car that we drive and the concerts that we attend. All help to define our sense of self. This is especially the case for the older consumer. We never stop shopping it makes us what we are.

That consumption requires a series of skills and capabilities. We need to be able to manage our money and pay our bills. To use a telephone, smartphone or computer. We need to be able to travel outside the home and to drive to the shops and cafes. We need to be able to prepare meals and do the housework. As I have discussed in other Newsletters we need to take multiple medicines.

As we reach the end of our lives, we progressively lose those abilities. We become frail. We want to consume but we can no longer do it alone. We need help from family and professional carers. It is thus surprising how often offers of help can be refused. Accepting help can be a threat to our self-identity as consumers. Even being offered help signals you are getting old. There is a recent study of consumers between 85 and 90. It shows how family and professional carers negotiate that tightrope. Offering and providing help whilst allowing the recipient to maintain their self identity. Carers care, especially members of the family. They do however bring to the negotiation their own stereotypes of what it means to be old. They are after all themselves in their 50’s and 60’s. All the research shows that we think of ourselves as younger than those around us do.

The dilemma is to get the evolving balance right. The right amount of help at the right time without posing a threat to self-identity. Worst still, that balance changes as we age. Balance is not just about peace in the family. An individual’s attitude towards ageing can influence their health and mortality. A positive attitude towards ageing means we live longer. Every successful act of consumption reinforces the lack of cognitive and physical decline. If a carer mismanages the onset of frailty it imposes an “old person” stereotype. The help can have the exact opposite effect to one desired.

A Case History

I cannot help but recount one of the case histories from the study. An 85-year-old was narrating the story of her “negotiation” of driving to the shops with her daughter. Until the age of 80 she had regularly taken an annual 4000-mile trip across America with her sister. At the age of 80 her daughter “grounded her”. She still drove to the local town and to a nearby city to do her shopping. Her daughter then suggested a regular “family shopping trip” to the city. She knew exactly what was going on. Her delight was that she had recently driven a visiting friend home. A journey of 150 miles about which her daughter knew nothing! She still was “winning”.

Ageing and Old

We may well become aware of ageing in our 40’s. This is the peak decade for people to need reading glasses. There are different degrees of acceptance of this sign of ageing. Some will embrace a new fashion accessory. Others will persist in trying to read without their glasses. They may refuse to carry them outside the home. They borrow other people’s glasses to read the menu. They will not accept the idea of ageing let alone becoming old. Ageing is eventually accepted by everyone. It is the price of an increasing chronological age. We adapt. On the other hand, being “old” is being condemned to become a part of a group with a negative stereotype. It is a socially defined construct. A 75-year volunteer will still talk of going to help “old people”. We fight being defined as old all our lives.

Driving and independence are integrally linked. The data suggests that the average older person is not a danger to other drivers. They self-regulate and avoid driving at night and in the rain. They avoid complex road junctions and when on the road drive defensively. The average does not help when a carer is a passenger. A missed signal or a late reaction to the car in front braking can reinforce an “old” stereotype. Younger drivers might make the same mistakes. Taking the car keys away is a very strong signal. It returns their loved one to the days before they got their license. It may be the most important transition to manage, from driver to passenger.

A Dedication

I dedicate this Newsletter to my two grown-up children. If I am lucky enough to live to old age, we will start our last journey together. Please remember the sense of independence you felt when you got your driving license. Let me drive my life for as long as I can.